Open Post: Hosted By Lily Allen (And Other Hos) At The BATFAs

February 16, 2014 / Posted by:

Well, I guess Lily Allen figured that Lupita Nyongo’o would show up to the BAFTAs in London tonight looking like perfection wrapped in demure elegance wrapped in another layer of perfection, so she said, “fuck it,” and decided to bring the foolery in full force by murdering a gay corn for its husk before sticking that shit in her hair. Bitch looks like a fabulous and annoying Dilophosaurus who is feeling itself a little too much or like hot air balloon that crashed on and killed a bunch of flamingos.

My cousin’s quinceanera colors were white, hot pink and orange (to answer the question in your head, no, she’s not color blind), so I just want to grab a plate of refried beans, rice and El Pollo Loco chicken and eat it on Lily Allen while watching my cousin and her court lazily bust out a choreographed dance to Menduo’s Claridad. Lily also looks like a giant swap meet piñata and yes, my cousin would try to buy her and no, she wouldn’t pay full price.

Here’s a few more pictures from the BAFTAs tonight including Helen Mirren giving everyone a case of the hard nips and Michelle Rodriguez who somehow managed to not be the messiest mess of the night (Lily Allen took that title). All of the BAFTA winners are here. 12 Years a Slave won Film of the Year, Chiwetel Ejiofor won Best Actor, Cate Blanchett won Best Actress,  Barkhad Abdi won Best Supporting Actor and Jennifer Lawrence beat Lupita. Jennifer Lawrence wasn’t there so sadly we don’t have a clip of her showing how ~RILL~ she is by queefing while accepting her award. She’s saving that for that Oscars I’m sure.

Pics:, Splash

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