Call Detective Olivia Benson! Wheelchair Jimmy Says Rolling Stone Made Him Feel ‘Violated’

February 14, 2014 / Posted by:

The guy behind him’s eyes are saying “I know, I’ll go grab a dictionary.”

It looks like Drake might regret not waiting the reccomneded 24-hour cooling down period before tweeting his angry emoshuns regarding Rolling Stone and their take-back of his cover yesterday, because today he’s written a remorseful I Sowwy letter and published it to his website. In it, he apologizes for the shitty tweet about the late Philip Seymour Hoffman (which has since been deleted because, deep-down, Wheely Jim is a good guy) and says he supports Rolling Stone’s decision to put PSH on the cover, but clarified just why he was so gal-darned steamed (the Canadian equivalent of pissed off) in the first place:

“The circumstances at hand are completely justifiable (on the magazines behalf), but I was not able to salvage my story or my photos and that was devastating. They ran the issue without giving me a choice to be in it or not. I would have waited until it was my time because I understand the magnitude of the cover they chose but I just wasn’t given that option and that made me feel violated.”

Bitch, you need to check your definition of violated. Did Rolling Stone make you feel not right in you no-no-zone? Did a frumpy lady in a greige pantsuit ask you to show her on the doll where Rolling Stone touched you? I didn’t think so. Come back to me after you’ve watched Coco’s crying scene from Fame and we’ll see if ‘violated’ was the word you were looking for.

He also closes his letter by apologizing for acting like a bratty spoiled child (“You called?” – Justin Bieber) and bitching out Rolling Stone like a melodramatic diva. But I get you, Drake; I’d probably lose my shit on Twitter too if I was in the same situation. I’ve never been interviewed for a magazine, but I’ve been interviewed for a job, and if I showed up for my first day at work at said job and saw someone else sitting at my desk, there’s a good chance I’d barely be out of the building before tweeting: “@Allison: Thank u assholes at Telemeritech, looks like I put on real pants for NOTHING.”

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