Why Do I Have The Urge To Pour A Cup Of Blue Liquid Down The Middle Of Her Dress?

February 6, 2014 / Posted by:

No offense to whomever designed this dress (who was it, Always or Kotex?) but it looks like the kind of gross off-brand maxi pads you used to get in your high school washroom for $0.25. You know, the kind that always felt like someone had pressure-compressed a super-absorbency adult diaper? Basically what I’m trying to say is this dress looks like something you’d find under the sink in the abandoned guest bathroom at your memaw’s house. “I think it’s a maxi pad, but what year is it from? 1972?”

Lots of fancy hoes came dressed to the 3’s last night at the 2014 amfAR Gala, including our good friend Flo (it’s actually Lily Aldridge). I guess last night’s theme was A Tribute To Afternoon Naps, because everyone was dressed kind of like they woke up on the couch at 5pm and remembered they had somewhere to be. Like Alan Cumming, who clearly panicked when he realized the only clean suit he had left in his closet was the brown one he wore the year he dressed up as an elegant poo for Halloween. Or modelĀ Crystal Renn, who’s fucked-up liquid eyeliner says ‘I was done in the car every time we stopped at a red light”‘

2014 amfAR New York Gala

I call this look: “GODDAMNIT! Stop fucking braking so hard!”

Here’s more of the amfAR Gala, and please put your hands together for the two people who embodied the spirit of Zzzz the most: Dree Hemingway, who said ‘Fuck it, I’m not changing out of my pyjamas’ and Ireland Baldwin, who is giving the exact same face a baby makes when you abruptly wake it up from a nap:

(Pics: Wenn, Splash)

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