Syfy Somehow Managed To Sign The Sought-After A-List Talent Of Tara Reid And Ian Ziering For Sharknado 2

The agents of Quentin Tarantino, David O’ Russell, Steven Spielberg, Paul Thomas Anderson, Steve McQueen, Christopher Nolan and many other A-list directors are getting calls today from Tara Reid’s team of agents to let them know that sorry, but she’s booked. Those agents better start calling their second choice Jennifer Lawrence, because the melting discount Yankee Candle (scent: vodka barf and burnt Fix-A-Flat foam) has officially signed on for the sequel to the Twitter extravaganza Sharkando. Ian Ziering, who in that picture looks like a baby with diarrhea just butt scooted across his forehead, will also be back.

The Hollywood Reporter says that Sharknado: The Second One (that’s really the title) will start shooting next month in NYC and that mess will splatter across your TV screens sometime in July. The plot (for lack of a better word) goes like this:

In Sharknado 2, a freak weather system turns its deadly fury on New York City, unleashing a “sharknado” on the city’s population and its most iconic sites, with Fin and April the only ones able to save the city.

Well, I better say “bye, bitch” to my favorite iconic sites of NYC (see: the IHOP on 2nd Avenue, the downstairs bathroom at the Phoenix, any subway car with a Dr. Zizmor ad in it, Trash and Vaudeville, etc, etc…), because if these two messes are the only ones to save the city….

I wonder how those negotiations with Tara Reid went. Syfy probably offered her a bottle of Svedka and a half-empty box of Trojans and she said, “Keep the trojans, give me the vodka and you’ve got a deal!”