And Lo, I Felt No Fear; For I Have Seen The Faces Of Hell

January 29, 2014 / Posted by:

I’m going to need an old priest, a young priest, a 2-gallon jug of holy water, your Aunt Maria’s cheeto that looks like Jesus, a tube of Tammy Faye Bakker’s old mascara that’s been blessed by a televangelist, prayers, and fire. So much fire. All the fire. Then if that doesn’t kill it, gouge out my eyes and pour Tapatío sauce in the holes, because I can’t look at it anymore.

Tonight is the night of Miley Cyrus’s Hillbilly Squirrel-Callin’ Spectacular (aka MTV Unplugged) and I guess Satan was named Executive Producer of this mess, because he just released this picture of Miley performing with Madonna. Although it could also be a still from the lost episode of The Beverly Hillbillies where Granny and Jethro start a band, but then quit out of fear after being threatened with broken moonshine bottles by an already successful hillbilly duo from the Deliverance area of Appalachia. Of course, in this scenario, Madge and Miley play the inbred groupies that the band deems ‘too gross’ and then passes on to the roadies.

I really had no clue what Memaw-donna was doing singing with Miley while dressed up like Twinkie the Kid (they’re both injected with filler), but thankfully Miley’s always at the ready to show off her 4th grade Kumon language comprehension skills, and gave us the low-down in a promo video:

“I grew up listening to Madonna and lot of what she represented for me is what I try to represent to girls now. Not being afraid of sexuality and really being who you want to be and doing what you want to do. And that’s what Don’t Tell Me is about. Don’t Tell Me is basically the same message of what I’m telling my fans in We Can’t Stop.”

For the readers at home, I just made the ‘sarcastic jerking off’ hand motion. But it didn’t end there; the dick sucking continued on Instagram when Madonna posted this picture of the two of them with the caption “M & M: Don’t ever Tell us We Can’t STOP #revolutionoflove”:


But she really should have tagged it #disbitchlooklikebatboy or #disismyrockbottom.

(Pics: MTV, Instagram)

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