Open Post: Hosted By Dannon Okios’ Super Bowl Commercial Starring Uncle Jesse, Joey And Danny Tanner

January 27, 2014 / Posted by:

A single tear squirted out of my left eye one day last week when I read that there was going to be a Full House reunion on Dannon Oikos’ Super Bowl commercial. I try to only cry out one tear a year and now I wasted my entire supply on nothing, because the Super Bowl commercial is here and this isn’t even half of a Full House reunion. More like A Quarter Of A House. There’s no Aunt Becky, there’s no Michelle, there’s no Stephanie, there’s no Mr. Bear, there’s no DJ (she would’ve done it but her husband refused to sign the permission slip), there’s no Nicky, there’s no Alex, there’s no Steve, there’s no Harry Takayama and more importantly there’s no Kimmy Gibbler! It’s a law that you cannot state it’s a Full House reunion until Kimmy Gibbler has signed on.

This commercial is just Uncle Jesse and some trick getting into some yogurt play (Prediction: Yogurt play will be the focus of an upcoming episode of Strange Sex) before he drops some Oikos on his crotch. This would’ve been the perfect time for Kimmy Gibbler to barge in and bluntly tell Uncle Jesse’s trick, “He wants you to lick that yogurt off his dick.” But instead Joey and Danny pop in. Missed opportunity.

And what I’m taking away from this commercial is that Dannon Oikos can double as dick lube.

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