Quentin Tarantino Cancels His Next Movie After Its Script Leaks

January 22, 2014 / Posted by:

Quentin Tarantino is wiping his tears of betrayal on a hooker’s lady foot today, because somebody did him wrong by leaking the first draft of his next movie Hateful Eight. No, Hateful Eight isn’t a feel-good action movie about the Gosselin children’s rise against their cunt monster of a mother. Hateful Eight is a Western and it was supposed to star Christoph Waltz, Bruce Dern, Tim Roth and Michael Madsen, but that’s not going to happen anymore and as soon as QT gets done with filling the hole in his heart with the toe jam he’s going to suck off of a hooker’s foot, he’s coming for the leaker.

QT told Deadline that he’s rounded up the suspects and he thinks it’s either Michael Madsen’s agent or Bruce Dern’s agent. QT gave the first draft to six people including Michael, Bruce and Tim Roth. He knows for a fact the leak didn’t come from Tim Roth. So both Michael Madsen and Bruce Dern’s agents are bracing themselves for the hot wrath of QT’s foot syrup breath. QT told Deadline that he first learned the script was out there when his agent started getting calls from agents who wanted to pitch their clients for roles.

“I’m very, very depressed. I finished a script, a first draft, and I didn’t mean to shoot it until next winter, a year from now. I gave it to six people, and apparently it’s gotten out today. I gave it to one of the producers on Django Unchained, Reggie Hudlin, and he let an agent come to his house and read it. That’s a betrayal, but not crippling because the agent didn’t end up with the script. There is an ugly maliciousness to the rest of it. I gave it to three actors: Michael Madsen, Bruce Dern, Tim Roth. The one I know didn’t do this is Tim Roth. One of the others let their agent read it, and that agent has now passed it on to everyone in Hollywood. I don’t know how these fucking agents work, but I’m not making this next. I’m going to publish it, and that’s it for now. I give it out to six people, and if I can’t trust them to that degree, then I have no desire to make it. I’ll publish it. I’m done. I’ll move on to the next thing. I’ve got 10 more where that came from.”

QT is narrowing his beady eyes on CAA who represents Bruce Dern. But a CAA source says that it wasn’t them and that it will be hard to prove who did leak it since QT didn’t watermark the script. But QT is still going to hunt down the leaker.

“I hadn’t given it to Christoph, I haven’t given it to Sam Jackson. I gave it to three motherfucking actors. We met in a place, and I put it in their hands. Reggie Hudlin’s agent never had a copy. It’s got to be either the agents of Dern or Madsen. Please name names.”

I never knew this about myself, but I love it when QT throws a hissy fit tantrum over a leaked script.

There’s an easy way for QT to find out who the leaker is. He should put all the suspects in a room and tell them to take off their shoes and socks. Then one by one, he should hover his mouth over their toes and tell them that if they don’t fess up with some real info, he’s going to suck the truth right out of them through their toes. He’s going to keep sucking until their entire foot looks like the inside of a box of golden raisins. It’ll be torture for them, but it’ll be pure ecstasy for QT.

And SPOILER ALERT: It was Tim Roth. It’s always Tim Roth.

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