Afternoon Crumbs
JLo’s doing a movie with Viola Davis and in every picture her face says, “Pinche pendejos better give me an Oscar for dressing like Britney!” – Lainey Gossip
An opinion from Glenn Beck means nothing to me until he acts it out with Barbies – Towleroad
In zero ounces of shocking news, Shia LaDouche has been copy + pasting Joaquin Phoenix’s whole performance art act the entire time – The Superficial
Jonah Hill was paid $60,000 for The Wolf of Wall Street, because most of the budget was used on Vitamin B powder and crotch wax – Celebitchy
Sleep: You know you need more of it when you think this is a picture of Vanessa Marcil and Gummi Bear Davis – Drunken Stepfather
The Jennifer Garner wax figure is going to make a cameo in my night terrors soon, I know it – The Berry
The grifting Giudices won’t have to beg Cousin Rosie to sleep on the floor of her garage anytime soon – Reality Tea
“Bitch, I have that same arrow tattoo on my back!” squealed John Travolta when looking at Taylor Momsen’s fake back tattoo – Hollywood Tuna
Selena Gomez went out on a date with another dude and it must’ve been really weird and confusing when he didn’t ask her to sing the choo choo song while spoonfeeding him some Sizzurp – IDLYITW
Olivia Wilde’s dog taking a piss on a tree might be the most thrilling paparazzi pictures I’ve seen today – Popoholic
Patti Smith is a gift, but she doesn’t come close to reaching the levels of raw emotion that Vin Diesel reached during his cover of “Stay” – Jezebel
A ginger Sienna Miller’s in a bikini – Popsugar
Stop bragging, Gwen Stefani! If I put on that same outfit, I’d look just like that, bulging gut and all – ICYDK
Two highly important questions: Was Jonah Hill in Texas recently and did he get a buzz cut? – OMG Blog
Put on your favorite Bill Cosby sweater (if you don’t have one, stick a bunch of Crayons up your butt and then poop on a plain white sweater) and celebrate, because he’s coming back to TV! – Pajiba
Three seconds later, a wild Guy Fieri appeared and started nibbling on that bacon curtain until a net fell on him – Buzzfeed
But which boy group is Lindsay Lohan going to stalk now?!!!! – Just Jared
Some company invented an app that lets you see your own orgasm faces. Expect Kanye West to let out an “I BROUGHT THAT TO APPLE YEARS AGO” rant any second now – SOW
(Pic via PCN)