That Couldn’t Have Been Justin’s Coke; He’s More Of A Children’s Tylenol Kind Of Kid

January 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Ah, prayer hands. “God bwess Mommy and Usher and all the Wild Kidz and – MOOOOOM GET THE FUCK OUT, I’M TALKN’ TO JESUS! Sorry Jesus. Ok, I love you, thanks for all the money. Amen.”

When Justin Bieber egged his neighbor’s house over a week ago, I sincerely though this story’s dramatic climax would be Justin sheepishly going over to say ‘I’m Sowwy’ and offering to clean the windows and rake leaves as punishment (or no dessert for a week, mister). But I was SO wrong! The eggs begat the police search, which begat the discovery of coke, which begat Justin’s bff Personal Pan Pizza being carted off by the police. Now TMZ is saying that Justin has bigger problems than eggs and coke and police search warrants:

Multiple credible, connected sources tell us Bieber has been using sizzurp regularly. It’s typically codeine and promethazine mixed with Sprite and a Jolly Rancher. Bieber and his crew refer to it as “lean.” It’s a very dangerous narcotic that can trigger seizures, and even worse.

But that’s not the only drug Bieber is using. We’re told he’s been taking lots of prescription pills, including Xanax, in addition to lots of alcohol and weed.

Our sources insist he does NOT do cocaine and has never done it in his life.

I believe that he’s never done coke; he’s still at that age where older kids take advantage of him by selling him a bag of oregano.

Justin comes from Stratford, Ontario – a city notorious for meth use (Canada’s version of Breaking Bad is a high school hockey coach named Gord Tremblay) – so it doesn’t surprise me that his thing is trashy shit like cough syrup and pills. And now that I know he loves chugging the good shit, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find out his favorite drink is one he invented called Justin’s Hard Pediasure.

But regardless of where he’s from, aren’t all little kids addicted to cough syrup? I know I was; I would have sold my Totally Hair Barbie to chase the grape dragon.

(Pic via Splash)

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