…Says The Guy Picking A 3-Week Fiancé From A Group Of Women On Television

January 18, 2014 / Posted by:

I know that ABC doesn’t pick their bachelors for The Bachelor based on brains, but shouldn’t it be a prerequisite to be able to open your mouth without dumb, backwards shit coming out? I mean, a simple questionnaire could effectively filter the stupid:

ABC: Gay people, thumbs up or thumbs down.

Blondie McWaxed Chest: Uh…pass?

ABC: You’ve scored ‘Potential Embarrassment’ which means you’d be better suited to Big Brother. I’ll pass along your resume to Julie Chen.

Until that day, it looks like we’re stuck with Bachelors like Juan Pablo Galavis, who burp up any wtf thought that seeps out of their frosted tips. According to The TV Page (via Towleroad) Juan Pablo might find a voicemail on his phone from Duck Dynasty’s Phil today (“Let’s chat sometime; I have some email forwards you might like”) because JP’s got some not-right thoughts about gay people:

On whether there should be a gay Bachelor:
“I don’t think it is a good example for kids to watch that on TV.”

On not understanding how gay beds work:
“…Obviously people have their husband and wife and kids and that is how we are brought up. Now there is fathers having kids and all that, and it is hard for me to understand that too in the sense of a household having people. Two parents sleeping in the same bed and the kid going into bed. It is confusing in a sense.”

On not being familiar with gays on shows like Glee, Modern Family, a million other shows, and about 80% of HGTV:
“You have to respect everybody’s desires and way of living. But it would be too hard for TV.”

On how choosing peen comes with an old trench coat, math teacher glasses, and a comb-ove:
“There’s this thing about gay people… it seems to me, and I don’t know if I’m mistaken or not… but they’re more ‘pervert’ in a sense. And to me the show would be… too hard to watch.”

The sad thing is, the women on the show are so desperate to get married, they’d probably agree with him. “Do I think gays are perverts? Uh…well…I mean…theoretically…Merriam-Webster defines ‘pervert’ as…shit, can I see the ring again?”

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