“I’ve Told You Ten Times; No, I Can’t Make You A Methadone-arita”

Last night, The Art of Elysium’s 7th Annual HEAVEN Gala was held in Los Angeles, and despite the fact that the word ‘gala’ is classy shorthand for ‘black tie, motherfuckers’, Steven Tyler and Linda Perry showed up looking like chorus members from a Skid Row production of “Hey Gilbert! The Johnny Depp Story”. Now, I’ll cut them some slack, since ‘7th Annual Heaven Gala’ sounds sort of like a 7th Heaven theme party, so maybe they decided to go dressed up as two street kids taken in by Rev. Eric Camden in a lost episode. But none of that makes any goddamned sense, so let’s just call a spade a grimy, itchy-looking, crotch-grabbing spade; these two are a real-life mess. I mean, is that a fucking banana sticker on Steven’s hand? Jesus take the wheel. Take all the wheels.

Here’s more of Steven Tyler and Linda Perry looking like they huffed all the freon out of their limo’s busted mini-fridge on the way over, along with a couple others who looked like they caught Steven and Linda’s second-hand high (Rose McGowan and David Arquette, I’m looking in your direction). And no, not everyone was a damn mess. Some people took the term ‘gala’ seriously, including Evan Rachel Wood, Kate Bosworth (wearing a dress that – you know what? You guys take this one), Camilla Belle, Busy Philipps (Kim Kelly FOREVER), and Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna (who should put on some SPF50, because I offer no shade – bitch looks good. Wait, did I just say that? Have I been huffing freon too?)

(Pics via Wenn)