YAAASSSS!!! Taco Bell is finally getting the A-list respect it deserves! Nothing says ‘Congratulations’ like the reward of 2 Doritos Locos tacos, nachos supreme, and a 24oz Mountain Dew Baja Blast, and apparently Justin Timberlake agrees. After taking home 3 People’s Choice Awards last night, Justin decided to celebrate his winnings in the same way I celebrate my cellphone company turning my phone back on by taking the party to Taco Bell and posting a picture to Instagram.
Now, we all know that Justin’s b-hole is probably too precious for the asshole-tearing that is Taco Bell Meat-Style Filling™, so I don’t believe for a damn minute that he ate anything from Taco Bell besides a Diet Pepsi and a packet of mild Border Sauce. I doubt he’s built up the tolerance needed to handle Taco Bell without shitting your pants. I mean, I have, but my training involved eating it at least once a week for a year. I could walk into a Taco Bell in the middle of Kansas (where they pronounce it tay-koes), watch them assemble my food with items pulled from a box labeled with a question mark, and not spend a moment on the toilet. I believe that’s called ‘living the dream’.
Regardless, Justin seemed to have a good time riding high off taco farts and freedom at Taco Bell, since he left his boring-ass bowl of Cream of Wheat wife, Jessica Biel, at home; but he was kind enough to acknowledge her during his acceptance speech:
“I’d like to thank all the fans who voted. I’ll take it — people’s champ, I love it. And I’d like to thank my beautiful wife for teaching me patience and the little things like just putting the dishes in the dish washer. It goes a long way — fellas, you’re welcome!”
Isn’t it cute when rich people act like they know what a dishwasher is? As if they don’t have a disgruntled Eastern European housekeeper who silently curses in Polish under her breath every time she finds a 3-day old bowl of Lucky Charms in the den. I bet JT hasn’t loaded a dishwasher since his ‘N Sync days, and even then, something tells me Chris Kirkpatrick was the dishwasher if the group (he had to do something, right?)