Open Post: Hosted By A Clump Of Bleached Blond Weave Stuck In A Glob Of Self-Tanner And Bronzer

January 7, 2014 / Posted by:

The polar vortex can try all it wants to freeze the blood and nerves in Jessica Simpson’s face as she strolls from the car to a building in NYC, but she’s cackling all the way, because she knows she’s got this. Here’s a tip from Jessica Simpson: If you don’t want the icy ass wind to touch your face, slather your mug with so many layers of self-tanner, bronzer, foundation, rouge, lipstick, lip gloss and blush that it’s physically impossible for the wind to penetrate through and touch your skin. Jessica isn’t only wearing a make-up mask to make her look like the least most popular cast member of The Real Housewives of Staten Island, she’s also wearing a make-up mask to protect her face from the elements. Oh wait, maybe that is an actual, rubber mask. Maybe she’s wearing one of those hot masking masks?┬áNaw, those glamorous rubber doll masks look way more natural than Jessica Simpson’s face.

Here’s the professional weight-loser walking into a building in Manhattan, and talking about her weight while whoring out Weight Watchers on Good Morning America today.

Pics: Splash

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