Bruce Jenner And His Adam’s Apple Are Putting Their Divorce On Hold

December 14, 2013 / Posted by:

That’s just great; I have a $200 cake sitting in my fridge that I can’t use. I guess I could donate it to the local homeless shelter, but it says “ADIOS ADAM’S APPLE! NEXT STOP, BIGGER TITTY TOWN!” and that might be a weird donation. Maybe I’ll just donate 10% of it?

It appears Bruce Jenner won’t be shopping for new neckercheifs or kicky little scarves anytime soon. According to TMZ, Mah Boo Brucie isn’t happy that his meeting with a plastic surgeon to shave down his adam’s apple was leaked to the public, and has decided to pump the brakes on the procedure:

Jenner had 2 consultations with the doctor and had scheduled surgery for both a Laryngeal Shave (Adam’s Apple flattening) and a nose job. We’re now told the surgery was scheduled for next Wednesday. Sources say Jenner wanted a smaller nose. Bruce tells TMZ he wanted plastic surgery because of scar tissue after cancer removal surgery.

Multiple medical sources have told TMZ … getting a Laryngeal Shave is almost always the first step in gender reassignment. Bruce scoffs at that, telling TMZ, “I just didn’t like my trachea.”

We’re told Bruce has spoken with his family and told them the surgery is now off … other sources say Bruce indicated he will have it done at a different plastic surgeon’s office.

I’m not going to name-names, but I’m going to guess the information was leaked by a nurse named Trish Jenner (she’s not smart enough to change the last name).

Awww, Brucie, come here and give us a hug. That fame-pact you made with Satan (“Every pact begins with Kris) is really coming back to bite you in the ass, eh buddy? All you want to do is upgrade your beauty in peace, but you can’t because you’ve made it so that everybody knows your business; but without everybody knowing your business, you wouldn’t have money to upgrade. It’s the catchiest of 22s.

And I know that I should be using the word allegedly before and after the words shaving down and adam’s apple, but honestly that makes it sound like a bad thing. My motto is You Do You (I’m the poor-mans Maya Angelou); Bruce should do whatever Bruce wanna do. Shave down that adam’s apple. Grow out that beautiful ponytail. Getcha damn groove back, gurl.

(Pic via Splash)

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