Tracy Anderson Logic: Kale Juice And Twinkies Are Basically The Same Thing

If they ever need someone to play Janice’s older, WASP-y, botox-obsessed sister in the next Muppets movie…

According to E! Online, GOOP-approved fitness gerbil (she looks like she spends 99.9% of her time running on a wheel at Petco) Tracy Anderson pulled out her Dictionary of Hyperbole during her interview with Refinery29 as she labeled our recent obsession with juicing ‘the worst thing that ever became commercialized‘. Worse than Pajama Jeans? YES WORSE THAN PAJAMA JEANS:

And that was just her intro. She went on to say: “If you’re going to drink a non-organic green juice, you might as well eat a Twinkie. Or a half a Twinkie, at least,” she said. “There’s like 80 calories in it, there’s a bunch of chemicals in it, what’s the point? The only benefit [to juice] is that it’s pre-digested and the Twinkie’s not.”

But it’s the juices long term effects that she finds to be the real problem: “They crash people’s metabolic rate,” she shares, adding: “Now, the F.D.A. says they have to be pasteurized. So, you’re drinking, basically, water that’s going to give you Type 2 diabetes, potentially,” she says.

In addition to comparing the veggie drinks to packaged dessert, she said that she is no longer is a fan of the raw vegan diet, mainly because it interfered with her reproductive system. “I wouldn’t have my daughter [if I were still on the raw diet]. I lost my period for seven months because I went raw.”

Two things she does approve of? A purely organic meal plan and daily exercise.

Please. More like What does Gwyneth approve of. [Ring ring] “Hi Tracy, It’s Gwyneth. We’re not into juicing or raw diets anymore, okay? I’ll let you know what we’re into after I come down from my ‘neutering Vanity Fair‘ high.”

I’m with Tracy, but not for the reasons you may think. I did a juice cleanse one time and it was – pardon my french – fucking bullshit. Everything I drank looked like it came from the prop room of You Can’t Do That On Television and my legs felt like feathers. Also, you know when you’re able to smell your own breath? Like you get secret whiffs of it here and there and you’re like “whoah, that’s definitely from me”? Juicing gives you that feeling all the time because it gives you OLD PEOPLE BREATH. So yes, I’d rather eat a Twinkie; it makes life less of a living nightmare.

(Pic via Wenn)