Hot Slut Of The Day!

Gap Grass!

I’m snorting crushed up Claritin just thinking about this shit. In the mid-90s when The Gap was the king of the mall (Side note: But not my king. The Gap was still too expensive for me. The king of my mall was the 10 t-shirts for $10 store) they put out a line of scents with hippy ass names. Gap Scents had names like Grass, Dream, OM, Heaven, Day and Earth. I think I just typed out the names of Alicia Silverstone’s future children. I remember OM and Grass being the most popular. OM smelled like tea and Grass smelled like, duh, freshly cut grass. That mess drove people nuts. It was the Forklift Foot to their gnats. They couldn’t get enough of it and wanted to eat all of it with their nostrils.

Nearly half of the girls in my school wore Grass and they treated that crap like it was the other (read: better) kind of grass in a bottle. They acted like it was liquid weed in a bottle and spraying it on their tongue would give them a quick high. (Note to self: The next time I come in contact with a vintage bottle of Gap Grass, spray it on my tongue to see if it gives me a quick high.)

Gap discontinued Grass a while ago, but if the 90s hasn’t left your being and you need a fix, you can get one on eBay. Or you can just follow the gardener trucks around and every time they finish cutting someone’s lawn, just get naked and roll around on it. You’d smell like a bottle of Gap Grass (with a hint of dog shit).