Tori Spelling‘s forty millionth book, Spelling It Like It Is (from Bitches Gots To Get Paid Publishing, Inc.) came out last month and in it, she perverted one of the best movie lines of all time into “Katie Holmes is a plastic robot who can’t sing”.
Katie is either still enjoying the spoils of sympathy from the finely crafted PR after her divorce from Tom Cruise, has fans left over from her Dawson’s Creek days (Team Pacey 4EVA!) or Suri has been staying up past her bedtime leading a letter writing campaign because hell came swiftly for Tori in the form of backlash over her criticism according to Radar.
“Tori was hospitalized for stress and anxiety for a few days because she was receiving a lot of negative feedback about revelations she made in the book and she had no anticipation that it was going to hit a nerve.
“Tori didn’t think making comments about a chance encounter with Katie Holmes would cause such a ruckus.
“She just grew very anxious about having to defend her actions in the book in media interviews and decided that she needed to go to the hospital.”
Let’s all take a moment to bow our heads to pray that Tori is just Queen of the No-Ball Pussies and really couldn’t handle owning her shit and ran to the hospital so nobody could see that she ugly cries worse than Dawson Leery or her wrist was really tired from signing autographs for the three idiots who showed up to her book signing. The other, infinitely more horrifying explanation is that the publisher’s check was late, Candy wouldn’t front them vasectomy money for Dean and the Boy Scout knot he tried on his dick didn’t hold and Tori is really knocked up again.