St. Angie Might’ve Bought Brad Pitt A $20 Million Heart-Shaped Island

November 25, 2013 / Posted by:

The Daily Mirror says Brangie’s holy child army will have a budget they need to stick to during their hourly visits to the goddamn toy store, because St. Angie Jolie dropped a huge chunk of cash on a very special birthday present for Brad Pitt. Normal hos buy their a piece a bottle of butt lube (in scent: new car smell) for their birthday, but millionaire saints buy their piece a whole damn island.

The Mirror says that St. Angie bought the 11-acre Petra Island, which is about 50 miles off the coast of NYC. The name “Frank Lloyd Wright” makes Brad Pitt squirt and get all fangirly, so she pulled out $20 million from her pocket book when she found out that the island has two Lloyd Wrights on it. One house was built in 1950 and the main house was built in 2008 from one of Lloyd Wright’s plans. Some source said:

“As soon as Angelina heard the island was on the market she arranged a viewing. She was really impressed. The house is perfect for romantic getaways or as a family retreat. It’s very private. And Angelina knows the fact the island is in the shape of a heart will mean so much to him. The fact he could now live in a house designed by one of his idols will make this his best birthday present ever.”

But the daughter of the current owners tell E! that Petra Island isn’t going to become Brangelina Island anytime soon, because St. Angie didn’t buy it and it’s still for sale.

If St. Angie did buy that island, I see what she’s doing. They already have a compound in Los Angeles, a vineyard in France and now they might have their eyes on a huge island in New York. It’s obvious what’s going on here. They’re setting up camps and bases around the world for when the child army expands and finally takes over. It’s a good thing that Petra Island wouldn’t last that long if St. Angie did buy it for Brad. Because as soon as he sees it from above and realizes that it kind of looks like a giant floating weed bud, he’s going to smoke the entire thing up one tree leaf at a time.

Pics: Curbed

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