Don’t Expect To See LiLo In Non-Speaking Cameo On HBOs Game Of Thrones Anytime Soon

November 21, 2013 / Posted by:

I thought we’d learned all we could about 2006-era Lindsay Lohan (booze, booze, pills, coke, booze, dating the Pink Taco douchehole, booze) but as it turns out, there’s still more! Just when you thought the surface zit that is LiLo has been drained, you dig a little deeper and a whole new mess explodes onto your bathroom mirror.

Life&Style reports that LiLo has more than just a fear of being sober for longer than 6 minutes; a source claims she also has achondroplasiaphobia (a fear of little people):

“In 2006 at the Chateau Marmont, she was with pals when two little people walked by and she started having a major anxiety attack!” the insider tells the mag of her bizarre fear. “She hyperventilated. Someone had to give her an antianxiety pill to calm her down. She kept saying, ‘I’m so scared of them!’”

In response to this grossness, the nonprofit advocacy group, Little People of America, issued this ‘No duh’ statement to Lindsay Lohan:

“Lohan should treat her fear the same as she would a fear of any other protected minority population. If that fails, she might find diversity training to be useful.”

But don’t go mailing Blu-rays of The Wizard of Oz or Willow to LiLo’s house just yet; a rep for Lindsay denied Life&Style’s story by telling E! News:

“Lindsay loves all people.”

Uh oh, was the second part of that statement was cut off? I think it’s supposed to read:

“Lindsay loves all people, especially those with drugs, but especially-especially those who might have a bit of extra cash on them.”

Dear Little People of America: this story is about 2006 Chateau Marmont Lindsay. If you need a reference, it’s probably about 6 months, give or take, from this. I doubt she was afraid of a little person, and I’ll explain why: when you’re chasing 30 Adderall with a 2L of Skyy every night, you’re bound to hallucinate some fucked-up shit. You can’t take it personally: LiLo was rolling hard through a heavy pill-fog and probably confused a little person for a chainsaw-weilding talking chicken nugget. Plus, freaking out over something is the easiest way to score more pills. “Oh my god, that stray dog just mouthed the words ‘You’re dead, bitch‘ at me! I’m freaking out! Someone should give me some pills to calm down, right?

(Pic via Wenn)

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