Sean Penn Threatens To Play ‘Here Comes The Airplane’ With A Fan’s Cellphone

Does anyone have Robin Wright’s contact information? I’m asking because I just started eating healthy (I have such bad cheeseburger shakes, you have no idea) and I need some advice on how to stick with it. Drinking shitty kale juice 14 days in a row is nothing compared to being married to Sean Penn for 14 years; her tenacity for putting up with non-stop bullshit is inspiring. So yeah, I’d like to email her and ask if she has some kind of secret way to convince your brain not to give up and stick with something that goes against your better judgement.

Speaking of eating things (what I wouldn’t do for a Spicy McChicken right now) TMZ has a video of Sean Penn (here we go) using some pretty creative language to lose his mind on a fan. You can call Sean Penn Golden Corral, because he’s serving up an all-you-can-eat cellphone brunch buffet:

Sean Penn went nuclear on a fan in a fancy San Francisco hotel last night — threatening to jack the guy up after Sean caught him trying to sneak a cell phone pic … and TMZ has the explosive footage.

Penn was at the Lobby Bar at the St. Regis Hotel in the Financial District … when he saw a flash go off from another patron’s cell phone and realized the guy was trying to take a photo.

A witness at the bar tells TMZ … Penn bolted after the guy (who wasn’t a paparazzo) … and screamed at him, “Do we look like f**king zoo animals?”

Penn — who was in town to speak at a sales conference — also grabbed the man’s phone and slammed it to the ground.

And that’s when Sean Penn jumped into a fat suit and a pair of orange Crocs and told the fan to wash his hands for dinner, because he was going to make him “eat the phone”.

But really, that’s the best he could do? “I’ll make you eat the phone”? Sean Penn sounds like an angry dad trying not to swear as his kid goes apeshit in line at a Walmart on a Friday night. All he wants to do is scream “GET THE FUCK BACK IN THE GODDAMN SHOPPING CART, JAYDEIN” but he knows that will set in motion 12 nosy old lady types ratting him out to Walmart security. So instead, he has to settle on “Please put down that gosh-darn bag of Skittles, your actions are giving me a super-duper frowny-face.”