The Difficult Brown Is Out Of Rehab, Aggravated Punchings Predicted To Increase 400%

November 14, 2013 / Posted by:

Well, that was fast. According to E! Online, Chris Brown has said ‘sayonara, suckers’ to rehab and left after only 16 days:

“Chris is continuing his rehab program as an outpatient and is also completing his community service in the Los Angeles area,” Brown’s rep tells E! News in a statement. “He appreciates all of your encouragement and support.”

“He’s a good kid, but he keeps messing up,” a source told E! News shortly before Rihanna’s former man entered treatment. “He needs help. He keeps self-medicating with weed and alcohol and that’s when he always gets in trouble.”

“Chris Brown has elected to enter a rehab facility,” a rep for the singer said in a statement to E! News at the time. “His goal is to gain focus and insight into his past and recent behavior, enabling him to continue the pursuit of his life and his career from a healthier vantage point.”

He’s in an outpatient program? That’s great news! Statistically speaking, leaving rehab after a little over two weeks usually works out, right? I mean, what else is there to learn? After 3 sessions with a counsellor, you’re pretty much set. Plus, it’s not like being an aggressive dickhead is the same as having a drug addiction. I know that it took one of my friends over a year to quit smoking, but I’m sure the urge to go crazy on someone’s face is something you can shake in a couple days. Those 16 days in rehab have probably undone years of being told he’s an invincible god of success who doesn’t need to be held accountable for his actions. I’m willing to guess post-rehab Chris Brown will show us a more humble, responsible Chris Brown.

That counts as my good deed for the day, right? It doesn’t?

Okay, well then fuck it, here’s some Miss Cleo realness for you. Chris Brown will be punching someone in the face before the clock strikes midnight tonight. He’s a foolish little shit who only went to rehab because he knows his ass couldn’t handle it in prison. To the counsellors who worked with Chris Brown in rehab: I’m sure every minute you spent with The Difficult felt exactly like taking a difficult shit, but just be thankful he only wasted your time for 16 days.

(Pic via Wenn)

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