Justin Timberlake Feels Like Everyone Just Shat On His Face

November 12, 2013 / Posted by:

I really wish Justin Timberlake would keep his scat queen fantasies (or should I say, “fantafeces“?) to himself, but he didn’t during his interview with GQ for their Men of the Year issue. The Keratin Kween told GQ’s Amy Wallace that critics have shit on him so much that he feels like the only working toilet in the Paltrow-Martin mansion during a family cleanse. After Runner Runner (which sounds like something you’d call a ho with the runs) turned out to be a floating turd that nobody paid to see, Variety wrote a long ass piece titled “Justin Timberlake: Why He Should Stop Acting” and reading it made him feel like he was getting a feces facial.

“So I find it ironic that I’m doing an interview with you about Man of the Year when I feel—literally—like a bunch of people just took a shit on my face.”

JT’s talk with GQ happened right when Variety told him to shred his SAG card for once and for all, so his throbbing b-hole was still hot about it and he let it out. JT said that the “vitriol” is just mean and he’s not cut out for it. And as he wiped the skid marks from his face, he spit out this doody bubble:

“This face. This recognizable face that you work so hard to get—not because you want the recognition but because you know you’re made to do it. The movie didn’t do well at the box office, so I should quit? Hold on a second. If I was somebody else, you wouldn’t have said that. I have the number one album this week, and I shouldn’t have released it? Come on, man. You sound like a dickhead…. It just shocked me because, like, you’re trade magazines. None of your opinions count. And by the way, none of you can do it.”

Am I the only one who pictured him saying, “THIS FACE” while he had caca all over it? Haha, JT, you’ve got poo poo on your face.

This is the way that I see it. Variety didn’t tell any lies, Justin ShitterLake is pissing off people who critique movies for a living and I just can’t feel sorry for him. Cry me a river, Justin! Actually, since a bunch of people just shat on your face, don’t do that. Nobody wants a diarrhea river the same way nobody wants a Runner Runner 2.

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