Someone Needs To Tell Kate Gosselin To Stop

November 11, 2013 / Posted by:

Kate Gosselin hasn’t been completely useless in her tenure as a ball-busting shrew who will sacrifice anything to remain in the spotlight for a few more seconds. She’s provided many a TV watcher stress release in the form of chucking anything handy- remote control, lightweight toddler, vodka bottle (empty of course, let’s not get carried away)- at their screens. Her porcupine-flattened-on-the-side-of-the-road hairstyle that debuted in 2007 gave scrapbooking housewives everywhere more pages to hustle right by when showing off photo albums to friends and neighbors who could not give less of a crap, along with the off-shoulder, puffed sleeve wedding dress and straight legged acid wash Jordache jeans with the 14″ long zipper.

Kate’s latest contribution to the You’re Still Here? files is a cookbook titled “Kate Gosselin’s Love Is in the Mix: Making Meals into Memories”. Recipes include “Stewed Jon Balls”, “Slow Cooked Children’s Spirit Smothered In Crushed Dreams” and “Sugar Cookies Everyone In Group Therapy Is Going To Love”. Fine, that’s a fat lie but I wish.

Kate is being accused of cranking out a book filled with unhealthy recipes anybody with a can opener and a third grade reading level could pull off while tripping balls, as long as they had a hot plate and Jesus on their side. The recipes are getting more shade than a midget sitting in a forest for being basic as fuck, high in sodium and filled with about as much love as a $10 hand job in a gas station parking lot. Take it away, Amazon reviewers:

“Then we have recipes for applesauce, broccoli, hamburgers and boxed macaroni and cheese with tuna and peas! As someone had commented to me earlier it is no better than a dorm room cookbook.”

“Some pictures don’t match recipe. I’m not sure why this was even published.”

“Not very appealing or healthy. I now understand why there is a disclaimer when you first open the book.”

“My daughter and daughter-in-law would shoot me if I fed their children most of these recipes.”

“This forced me to enter a star but the book does not deserve even one star. All she does is open cans and dump the contents.”
And my favorite, courtesy of my new favorite internet person, Amazon user cheryl j.:
“Kate Gosselin has no more business putting out a cookbook than she does putting out a how to keep your man happy self help book!”

The Daily Mail says the book was ranked 10,039 on Amazon’s bestsellers list on Sunday, and also mentioned a sudden jump in positive reviews in the last few days. It must have been a busy weekend at the Gosselin household with Kate standing behind the kids, smacking a ruler on her hand and screaming, “NO. NEGATIVE. REVIEWS. EVER!!!’ while they each type from a script.

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