I Bet It Was That Home-Wrecking Hussy Mrs. Butterworth

November 7, 2013 / Posted by:

That’s the face of a man who’s been getting some sweet Walmart tail on the sly (EW, I’M SORRY).

There’s nothing Paula Deen can do now to convince us that she’s not a total pile of white trash. If her obsession with putting mayonnaise on everything didn’t do it, her casual use of the n-word definitely did. You could tell me that Paula lets her sons Jamie and Bobby park their rusted-out Dodge Charger on her front lawn, I would not at all be surprised. So I suppose the image of Paula throwing her husband, Michael Groover, out because she caught him chasin’ skirt is the cherry on top of this redneck hillbilly sundae.

The Enquirer published a story yesterday claiming that the marriage between the butter-basted bigot and Redneck Santa is over. Allegedly, Paula confronted Michael about a year-long affair with a “sexy middle-aged brunette” and he “stormed out of the house”. Naturally, sources close to Paula Deen are claiming the story is nothing but a deep fried lie (that sounds delicious, I’ll take 2). ET Online reports that Paula and Michael’s nine-year marriage is still going strong, as a source claims:

“Paula and her husband Michael have never been closer and Michael adores her.”

Oh, who to believe? On one hand, I can’t blame Michael Groover for straying; being married to Paula Deen post-scandal would be a never-ending nightmare. Plus, that ‘sexy middle-aged brunette’ sounds pretty sexy, so can you blame him? On the other hand, I cannot bring myself to imagining Michael Groover getting his greasy Georgia fuck on. Then again, I don’t want to imagine Michael and Paula having sex either. It’s too much. Someone get me one of those Men in Black mind-erase things, I want to forget everything.

And you KNOW Dr. Phil is on the phone right now trying to get these two southern mudbugs to bring their cheatin’ mess to the knock-down drag-out parking lot fight that is The Dr. Phil Show.

(Pic via Wenn)

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