Ashton Kutcher Wants To Pump Mila Kunis Full Of His Liquid Love To Make A Baby

After finding out Demi Moore’s bid to GET MONEY BITCH by asking for spousal support from Ashton Kutcher was denied and their divorce will be finalized, Radar says that Ashton and Mila Kunis are ready to get down to fuckin’ and multiplyin’.

“Ashton has made no secret of the fact that he wants to have a baby and he’s told his family that they’re not taking any ‘precautions’ against having a baby. In other words, he and Mila are ready to be parents.

“They don’t really care if marriage comes before baby, in fact, they don’t think they have to be married to have a child.”

Regardless of the moral argument over babies before marriage, the real sin potentially being committed here is two people will be procreating who should never combine whatever is in their gene pools that gave them those speaking voices. The fear of being in a closed room with Ashton and Mila when they both have megaphones is a real fear and it’s only a matter of time before the American Psychiatric Association recognizes it as a disorder that could be called “loudassedgratingvoicedmotherfuckersphobia”. They’re still kicking names around.

Babies are already loud and even the sweetest ones can be annoying as fuck sometimes. I can’t even imagine the ear-splitting screeches that would come out of Ashton and Mila’s child. You’d think their voices alone would be enough birth control without him wrapping his tallywhacker, but maybe they get their freak on by miming or some shit. She does the dick-poking-the-cheek gag and he points to his junk and humps the air. All I know is that he’d better yell, “YOU’VE been PUNK’D” when he cums.

(Photo via Wenn)