Another Day, Another Actor Starving His Ass For An Oscar

November 7, 2013 / Posted by:

To play Thor, Chris Hemsworth had to put 20 pounds of muscle on his body and he did that by eating one lunch at Golden Corral and shadowing Madge’s 23-hour workout regimen for 2 days straight. But since he’s done with throwing around his hard hammer for now, Chris is dropping those 20 pounds of muscle and more. While promoting Whore 2 (typo and it stays because deleting the word “whore” is against my religion) on Jimmy Kimmel Live (via P6) the other night, Chris told Jimmy that he’s trying to get as skinny as Chris Brown’s pencil dick to play a starving, dying sailor in “Heart Of The Sea,” which is about the events that inspired Herman Melville to write Moby Dick. To look like Nicole Richie’s body double, Chris is only filling his stomach with up to 600 calories a day. SIX HUNDRED CALORIES. 600 calories entered my body when I typed Golden Corral. Oop, there goes another 600 calories into my body. As Chris’ stomach bag chewed at his intestines for nourishment, he had this conversation with Jimmy about his new GOOP diet:

JK: You’re on some crazy diet now, I heard, because of this movie you’re shooting.

Thor: Yeah, we’re shooting, it’s the true event inspired Herman Melville to write Moby Dick. A bunch of sailors in a whaling ship get struck by a whale, the ship sinks and they jump onto the small rafts and drift for 90 days. And basically they begin to die and eat each other. It’s a romantic comedy. Uh, and we have to get rather skinny. So we’re on 500 or 600 calories a day. I’ve had a cheat meal a couple minutes ago.

JK: What did you have?

Thor: A bit of pizza?

JK: How many slices of pizza?

Thor: Like ten.

Chris goes on to say that he has just a couple of small salads and a few drops of protein a day and that’s it. And he fasts for about 15 hours at a time. Add a tears of Graydon Carter enema every 3 hours and that would be the GOOP way.

What is with these hos like Thor, Jake Gyllenhaal and Matthew McConaughey Christian Bale-ing their way to an Oscar nomination? The thing is, it kind of works. It worked for Christian Bale and it’ll probably work for the Texas T-Rex. Soon Oscar-chaser Leonardo DiCatchAHo is going to realize that if he can’t beat ’em (he can’t), he might as well join them and he’ll sign on to play Carson Daly circa 2005.

And more importantly, the hell happens to a dude’s peen when he drops all that weight so fast?! Does it look bigger? Or does it turn grey and just lay there like Gollum taking a nap?

Here’s a slightly skinnier Thor at GMA two days ago:

Pics: Splash

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