A Court-Appointed Psychologist Declares A Father An ‘Unfit Parent’ For Denying His Son McDonald’s

I didn’t know Britney Spears was moonlighting as a court-appointed psychologist?

According to the New York Post, attorney David Evan Schorr was taking his son out for dinner when his 5-year-old son threw a tantrum and demanded McDonald’s. David, who was concerned with how much junk food his son was eating, eschewed McDonald’s in favour of something a little healthier. His son declined, so he gave him an ultimatum: Anything but McDonald’s, or nothing. Surprise surprise, his son (who clearly comes from the ‘Wu-Tang School of Not Being One to Fuck With’) chose nothing. David then returned his son to the child’s mother, Bari Yunis Schorr, at which point their son ratted his father out to his mother. Bari, clearly no longer bitter or angry at her ex-husband, pulled a classic stunt queen move by reporting the incident to the family court-appointed psychiatrist, Dr. Marilyn Schiller.

This is the part of the story where any normal therapist would be all ‘would you kindly stop wasting my time?’ but Dr. Schiller played it a little more Hollywood:

“Dr. Schiller allegedly only interviewed the child and his mother then told the court David was “wholly incapable of taking care of his son” and should be denied his weekend visitation.”

But Bari Yunis Schorr, vice president of the members-only online shopping site Rue La La, isn’t stopping at simply reporting the incident:

“Dr. Schiller told the Post she could not comment on the details of the incident. She only said, “I am conducting a forensic evaluation on this matter. I will be issuing a confidential report to the court and the matter will be tried by the court.”

Tried by the court? Over McDonald’s?? Bari Yunis Schorr, just because your name sounds like that of a evil German supervillain doesn’t mean you have to behave like one. Were you also stroking a white cat and wearing an eye-patch while on the phone with Dr. Schiller?

I think we should all take a second to acknowledge the real victim in this story. No, it’s not the 5-year-old. Please lower your head and observe a moment of silence for the unknown government employee who’s job it was to register the business name “Rue La La”. The self-control it would have took for them to not roll their eyes or let out a ‘Really? We’re registering Rue La La?‘ is unimaginable. So courageous. I know I couldn’t have done what they did; I would have been fired for denying the name on the grounds that it’s ‘too goddamned stupid’.