Lady Gaga Performs As A Tone-Deaf, Inbred Trucker At The YouTube Awards

November 4, 2013 / Posted by:

Our Lady of Perpetual Fuckery and Taylor Kinney  have been together for two years, and over that time there have been more break up rumors than you can shake a frighteningly over-designed Gaga costume at. The latest had to do her work schedule and general weirdness (up to and including all of this shit). Taylor reportedly only sees her one night a month, thanks to an entourage of assistants and security. Apparently, it takes a village to raise not only a child, but also delusional, contrived performers. (Cue everybody thinking Taylor shouldn’t be bitching and instead should be thanking whatever deity he prays to that he only has to look at her once in a blue moon.)

The Daily Mail first reported a breakup, then said Gag Me’s appearance at the YouTube Awards with Taylor put the rumors to rest (and fulfilled his November obligation). Gaga busted out her best set of bedazzled Steve Buscemi teeth and pair of invisible pants while Eminem won Artist of the Year, robbing this melodic, singing swan of her rightful title.

Gaga also debuted her song “Dope” and it was as horrible as you can imagine. I can’t figure out if she’s emotional over her relationship, calling a moose or signaling to a taxi on her home planet to come get her ass, or why the hell anybody applauded for that mess. Skip to 1:47 if you’re hellbent on simultaneously going deaf, having a heart attack and breaking a hip falling out of your chair- that’s when the real pièce de résistance begins.

Taylor must have the patience of a saint or be dumb as a brick to be seen with her ridiculous ass. He certainly looks like he doesn’t want to put up with her bullshit in this Instagram video, so it could be the former. Still, he kind of comes across as a hot piece who struggles to put two sentences together and might need a cue card if someone asks his name, but I still would. Sometimes the best lays are the dumb lays as long as you can kick them out in the morning before the small talk starts.

(Pic via Tumblr)

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