Good News For Straight Dudes, This Sex Bomb Is Single Again!

November 3, 2013 / Posted by:

Seen above in her legendary photo shoot for Dagobah’s Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition, the orange pearl wrapped in a nest of dried seaweed that is Tan Mom is divorcing her husband of 8 years Richard Krentcil, because she knows that Prince Hot Ginge is searching for a wife and she’s the only pristine jewel on Earth who is exquisite enough to be England’s new princess. She’s divorcing her husband for Britain and America! Oh, and she’s dropping her husband because she says his dick is too small.

TMZ says that Richard’s supposed small peen situation isn’t the real reason why Tan Mom is divorcing him. His supposed infidelity is. Tan Mom and Richard were on that wreck of a TV show called The Test  and during a polygraph test he took on the show, the lie detector said he was telling lies after he denied passing his golf pencil dick to side whores. Tan Mom tells TMZ that’s the real reason why she’s taking the prestigious title of “Tan Mom’s husband” away from Richard. Tan Mom wants custody of their 2 kids (including the kid she tried to tan) and wants $1,000 per week in spousal and child support.

Even though Tan Mom said in her stand-up act (yes, she does stand-up) that Richard’s dick is the size of an ant’s pinky and the sex sucks, he still wants to work things out with her.

I have questions!

1. Is Richard’s dick small or does it just retreat into his body a little every time he sees Tan Mom naked, because it is intimidated by her charbroiled raw beauty?

2. If a judge is insane enough to give full custody of their kids to Tan Mom, do you think she’ll notice when her kids put two broken tanning bed light bulbs in their beds and run away to the Cushetunk Mountain to be raised by foxes?

And it really is a tragic week in America when two marriages we thought would last forever prove us wrong. The good news is that now Tan Mom and the Porn Iguana are free to star in a dating reality show together. Or they’re free to do a girl-on-girl scene for Brazzers together. Or both!

(Pic via Pacific Coast News)

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