Even Oprah’s Yard Sale Is Better Than Yours

November 2, 2013 / Posted by:

Oprah is having a rummage sale in Santa Barbara. On polo grounds in three giant tents. After de-cluttering her homes in Hawaii, Indiana and California, among others. This ain’t your mama’s sit-outside-for-three-days-to-make-$38-yard-sale.

She told Entertainment Tonight (via People) that she’s been accumulating things since 1985 and that proceeds from in person and online sales will benefit the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy Foundation College Fund, which is dedicated to helping graduates of The Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls — South Africa attend colleges and universities around the world.

“It’s just too much stuff. I talk about it a lot in [O] the magazine. We talk about decluttering. And I realized, I need to declutter my own life. It is very freeing. I am downsizing.”

Autographed electric scooters? Check. A 19th-century doll, expected to go for up to $8,000? Check. A Louis XVI chest of drawers, perhaps the priciest item, worth up to $50,000? Check.

In fact, there are lots of dolls for sale.“People come to stay with me, and they say they get scared with all the dolls,” Winfrey says.“You wake up, and there’s like 12 dolls staring at you.” 

Not that it’s easy for her to let go of some of this stuff. But for Winfrey, it’s about practicing what she preaches.

“I’m trying not to be attached to things,” she says. “I’m trying to live the life that I talk about, like not letting things define you. But it’s hard.”

I guess it was too much to hope that Oprah would have just a regular yard sale like us commoners. I’d love to see that Louis XVI chest shoved against a card table filled with mismatched Tupperware and Christmas platters that would get passed over at Goodwill, with one of those fluorescent pink dot stickers on it as the price tag. The dolls thrown in a plastic bin, missing a shoe here and with a “look, Mommy, I made her prettier!” lopsided haircut there. I can’t even fathom why she would have autographed electric scooters or who they belonged to but I already threw up a prayer for this one.

All I know is that somewhere, Nicolas Cage is being held in a basement against his will so he can’t add a bronzed strap-on that used to belong to Gayle King to his collection of weird shit that gave him the poors.

Anyone really hell-bent on owning a piece of Oprah (which is only fair since she’s been stealing people’s souls and wills to live for years), could also bid online after purchasing a color catalog for $50, which graciously includes shipping. I’d rather take $50 to the garage sale around the corner to score a taxidermied, wall-mounted badger to give my mother-in-law as the gift that will keep on giving, if last year’s stocking stuffer of deer pee that went over like a fart in church is any indication.



Our commenting rules: Don't be racist or bigoted, or get into long-ass fights, or go way off topic when not in an Open Post. Also, promoting adblockers is not allowed. And some comment threads will be pre-moderated, so it may take a second for your comment to show up if it's approved.

alt="drupal analytics" >