Justin Bieber Is “Un Papacito” In Bed, So Says Some Panamanian Hooker

A Panamanian pussy peddler calling a Canadian fetus “daddy” is probably all you need to put on a snorkel and dip your entire head in a huge pot of boiling ammonia. I’ll join you in a second.

The Panamanian newspaper Cronicas (via Gawker) supposedly talked to a prostitution whore-ah who supposedly boned Justin Bieber after meeting him at a club in Panama City last week.  The hooker, who wouldn’t spit out her name (because nobody wants to admit to fucking the maple syrup jizz out of the Biebs), said that she and 9 other ladies went back to his hotel at around 3 in the morning (aka waaaay after his bedtime). Biebs and the hooker smoked a little weed, he made out with her “nose and face” and then he asked her the most ridiculous and romantic thing he’s ever asked a Panamanian hooker:

“Me decía en inglés que si quería todo su semen, pero yo no entiendo inglés.Mi compañera me estaba traduciendo.”

Translation: “He asked me in English if I wanted all of his semen, but I don’t understand English. My friend was translating.”

HAHAHAHAHAHA. I love how Justin Bieber acts like he can actually produce semen. I also love how she’s got a translator with her. Any good international hooker should have a translator on hand who will pop up between her and her john to let her know that he wants to give her some jizz.

She went on to say that they fucked for about an hour, he had her in all kinds of positions, his dick is medium-sized, the sex was amazing and he came on her tits. Afterward, he gave her $500 and drove her back to the club. She didn’t go to his concert the next night, because: a) she had already been humiliated enough and; b) she had to work and she “was with him, which is much better than a concert.”

It’s hard to swallow this story (I will never forgive myself for that pun), because I can NOT believe that the Biebs is “amazing” at sex and can go for an hour. I’d believe her if she said the sex was awkward, his bodyguards had to carry him into her pussy, he lasted for about 15 seconds and afterward, he told her to stroke his hair while he sucked his thumb and silently weeped to himself. He gave her $500 and a bonus after he shit the bed while they spooned. That’s the only story I’ll believe.

And here’s Papacito Bieber performing in Puerto Rico over a week ago.

Pics: Splash