Michael Bay’s Ass Got Attacked In Hong Kong (UPDATE)

You know you are void of standards and probably hate yourself when you stare at Michael Bay’s nipple for way too long and think to yourself, “I would.” And I don’t know if I’m the only who noticed this, but that ditch under his neck is deep enough for someone to stick the tip in. And as I Windex my eyeballs…

Reuters (via USA Today) reports that the movie director with the most punchable face in Hollywood was attacked by two brothers on the set of Transformers 4 in Hong Kong today. The police say that the two young dudes came up to Michael Bay and demanded that he give them $13,000 cash. They probably figured that Michael Bay had $13,000 on him since he was bragging to everyone that the night before he fingered himself while blowing up one of his $200,000 Lamborghinis. When Michael Bay (Side note: He’s looking more and more like Michael Bolton’s older alcoholic twatbag brother who runs a fishing charter business in Tampa) refused to hand over the cash, the older brother attacked him before going after a cop who tried to intervene.

The police rep said that both brothers were arrested and charged with suspicion of blackmail and assault. The right side of Michael’s face got injured, but he refused medical treatment.

Would-be 9/11 savior Marky Mark is in Transformers 4, so those brothers are really lucky that he wasn’t there to BAM them both at the same time with his bare hands. We all know what happened the last time Marky Mark came at an Asian man. If only the cameras were rolling when Michael Bay got slapped around. He could’ve released the footage in 3D IMAX and it would’ve been his highest-grossing hit of all time.

And a source tells Reuters that the two brothers were bailed out by an animatronic wax figure who hugged and thanked them.

UPDATE: Paramount wanted to get shit straight and issued this hilarious statement.

“Director Michael Bay and the cast and crew of “Transformers: Age of Extinction” completed their first day of production in Hong Kong today October 17, 2013, after four and a half months of filming in Arizona, Utah, Texas, Michigan, Illinois and Washington state since late May.

Contrary to several erroneous news reports made today, Bay did not get hurt in a fight on set. The production company did have a bizarre encounter with a man (allegedly under the influence of a narcotic substance) who was wielding an air conditioning unit as a weapon. The man, who had earlier accosted several other crew members, rushed onto the set in Quarry Bay and swung the air conditioning unit directly at Bay’s head. The director ducked and wrested the air conditioner from his attacker, preventing what could have been a serious accident. The company’s security team quickly stepped in and subdued the assault. The police, who also scuffled with the assailant and two of his companions, ultimately arrested the three men. No one on the cast or crew was injured and the production immediately resumed filming without further incident.”

That Michael Bay-hating air-conditioning unit is my new favorite Transformer.