We Won’t Be Seeing Charlie Hunnam’s Naked Ass In Fifty Shades Of Grey After All

October 12, 2013 / Posted by:

The good news is that Charlie Hunnam realized that he’s not quite ready to drown his career in extra chunky mom jizz and fifty shades of shit. The bad news is that we’re not going to see the six pack on Charlie Hunnam’s ass cheeks clench as he whips Melanie Griffith’s daughter. Universal Pictures and Focus Features announced today that they’re going to have to find another Christian Grey, because Charlie Hunnam has dropped an I QUIT THIS BITCH on their asses, and they’re all blowing a bull’s fart in our eyes by blaming on it good old-fashioned “scheduling conflicts.”

“The filmmakers of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ and Charlie Hunnam have agreed to find another male lead given Hunnam’s immersive TV schedule which is not allowing him time to adequately prepare for the role of Christian Grey.”

More like, “Charlie Hunnam finally got around to reading the book.”

The truth is, Charlie Hunnam wasn’t right for that shit anyway. Now the powers-that-be in that future Razzie record breaker can do what’s right and cast my only choice for Christian Grey: Richard Simmons! 

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