What A Genuine And Not-At-All Staged Family Portrait

October 11, 2013 / Posted by:

Two days after Pimp Mama Kris tried to pull up the ratings of her reality shit show by announcing that she and her prisoner Bruce Jenner have been separated for a whole year, TMZ said that Brody and Brandon Jenner screamed “Hallelujah!” while dancing around their daddy as he re-attached his nuts to his crotch with a needle and thread.

Some source told TMZ that right after Auntie Bruce married Pimp Mama Kris, he pretty much abandoned Brody and Brandon and didn’t pay child support to their mother Linda Thompson for years. Brody and Brandon believe that their evil cunt of a stepmother was the one who pulled Bruce away from them. Now that Auntie Bruce is free from Lucifer’s whoriest minion and living in Malibu, he’s spending more time with Brody and Brandon and trying to repair their relationship.

All of that made sense to me, because in one of the only episodes of KUWTK I’ve seen (for research! FOR RESEARCH!), there was a scene on a yacht where Brody looked like every muscle in his body was snapping from trying to keep himself from throwing that whore overboard and screaming at the captain to book it, bitch. But wait, a quick second after TMZ threw up that story, both Brody and PMK Instagrammed a natural and candid picture of all four of them smiling while spending some quality time together.

I like how PMK added the hashtag: #sorryTMZgotitwrongAGAINLOL. #sorryPMKbutdontactlikeyoudidntleakthatstoryyourselfLOL.

PMK and TMZ are like fuck buddies who don’t want everyone to know that they’re fuck buddies, so they pretend to hate each other in public. PMK probably gave that story to TMZ to drag this out for maximum attention and then she got even more attention by posting a touching family portrait while pretending to slap at TMZ. You can always count on PMK to take desperation to levels you didn’t know existed.

And here’s the happy family posing on the floor of their foyer:


Touching IS PMK posing with Bruce (who is looking more and more like Lindsay Lohan: the Metamucil years), Brody and Brandon in the front hallway after giving them a stack of hundreds to do so. Speaking of touching, I don’t want to know what PMK is doing with her right elbow…

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