Bruce Jenner Is Finally Freeeeeeeeeeeee!

October 8, 2013 / Posted by:

Since Keeping Up With The Kartrashians’ ratings have fallen lower than Pimp Mama Kris‘ sense of dignity and the whole “Lamar Odom is a crackhead” thing isn’t getting her the attention she wants, she decided to get some easy press by announcing that she’s finally released her prisoner of 22 years Bruce Jenner. As Bruce Jenner secretly called Katie Holmes to ask for a safe underground place to stay since she knows all about hiding out from dark-sided powers that be, PMK farted out this statement to E!:

“We are living separately and we are much happier this way. But we will always have much love and respect for each other. Even though we are separated, we will always remain best friends and, as always, our family will remain our number one priority.”

Translation: “I’ve already sucked the life out of his entire being and left him with a face that looks like salmon jerky lasagna, so I don’t need his ass anymore. I can’t wait to destroy him in the court of TMZ! ”

We should all brace our eyeballs, souls and spirits, because we’re not ready for the inevitable PMK dating reality show, PMK sex tape and PMK basically humping on any semi-famous boy toy to get even more attention. Hmmm, I hear George Zimmerman is single now…

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