This Pirate Shirt-Wearing Romeo Will Pay You $1,500 To Find The Girl Of His Dreams

September 25, 2013 / Posted by:

If you put a magnifying glass up to that peacock’s face, you’d see it throwing a first-degree side-eye at bigoted Jerry Seinfeld for a million reasons.

OKCupid must have a 5,000 word limit, because Austin photographer Larry Busby (who goes by the name Romeo Rose), created his own Geocities-like website to find the lady of his dreams. Dude’s list of must-haves is longer than his front Chiclet and it’s so delusional that even White Oprah is saying, “Hit the brake, bitch, hit the brake.” Romeo Rose will pay anybody $1,500 if they find his perfect woman. If you want that $1,500, you better open up your window and scream for Peter Pan and Tinkerbell to take your ass to Never Never Land, because that’s the only place where Romeo’s dream girl exists. Here’s a partial list from his website “Sleepless in Austin” of what he’s looking for. I didn’t make any of this shit up. It’s after the cut, because it’s a million miles long.

Deal breakers:

NO FATTIES! Must be skinny, toned or athletic. She can’t be overweight. He’s usually only into girls who weigh 130 pounds or less.

NO BLACK GIRLS! He’ll date “Hispanic, Mexican, Spanish, Russian, Italian, French, European, White, whatever, anything except Black.” Halle Berry, I see you raising your hand to ask, “But, but what about me?” Sorry, Halle. Romeo won’t even date you. He really wrote that he wouldn’t even date Halle Berry.

NO KIDS! If you’re a single mother, you’re in luck. Romeo won’t date you. He doesn’t want kids and won’t date a woman who has kids or wants kids. Women who have children “end up with stretch marks. And also sometimes it makes their vagina looser, and I don’t care how many kegel exercises a woman does, after she has 2 or 3 eight to ten pound babies, you can’t tell me it’s going to be 100% as tight as it ever was! Plus, what’s even worse than all of that, is sometimes during childbirth the lips/vulva of a woman get torn and they never look the same as the did originally even after they heal, that’s why some women even get cosmetic reconstructive surgery to their vulvas after childbirth to try and regain their original appearance.”

– NO GOLD DIGGERS! It’s a good day to be Heather Mills, because he would never date her. Romeo won’t date gold diggers or materialistic women who expect the man to pay for everything. Any woman he dates must have a job.

NO GAMBLERS! Romeo will not date any pokah playas (copyright: Joan Rivers) or gamblers.

NO STRIPPERS! Romeo believes that only a woman’s man should see her naked body. (Hahah, I like how he acts like he’s seen a naked woman in person before.)

NO SLUTS! If you’ve had a threesome or boned a lot of people, Romeo won’t date you. He wants a “good-hearted girlfriend.”

NO SARCASTIC BITCHES! Romeo only wants positive girls who are not sarcastic and cynical.

NO SLUTTY DRESSERS! He doesn’t like girls that dress like sluts. T-shirts and jeans are okay, but he really likes it when his girlfriend wears a mini skirt with sexy boots (no cowboy boots) or spiked high heels. But again, no slutwear.

NO SILICONE! He hates breast implants and likes natural tits only.

Romeo prefers women who don’t smoke, don’t wear glasses and have red long hair, no piercings and no tattoos (too white trash for him), but none of those are deal breakers. And what does Romeo have to offer besides a pair of flashlight Veneers that you can use to find your phone in the dark? Well, he’s a 9/11 truther, a pro-lifer and he’s against the good shit. So basically, he’s a catch! From Romeo’s About Me page:

I do NOT believe marijuana should ever be legalized!

I do believe it’s ok for doctors to give to Cancer patients etc, but I do not believe it should be easy to get a prescription for, basically unless you can prove you have Cancer or something then you should not be allowed to smoke it.

I am not a Racist person. In fact I tend to get along much better with Black guys than I do White guys.

However, I do not like Rap or Hip Hop music. I do not even consider that to be real music. And I do not like Black people that listen to that kind of music. I do not like Black people that have a criminal record or smoke pot or do any other type of drugs. I do not like Black people that live in the “projects” or live off welfare or food stamps. I do not like Black people that do not have a full time job. I do not like Black people that wear their pants halfway down to their knees. And I do not like Black people that don’t speak proper English and pronounce their words correctly. I do not like Black people that dress like thugs or gangstas. I do not like uneducated Black People. And if you are a Black person that lives in East Austin or up North Austin around the Rundberg area then chances are I probably don’t like you either! So there! haha!!!!!

I am NOT racist. I just do NOT like ignorant, useless, TRASH.

I also don’t like White people that do those same types of things!

And, I do not believe that Whites & Blacks should mix races sexually and have kids together.

I think it’s ok for Whites & Hispanics. But not Blacks.

I would NEVER, EVER, EVER date a woman if I found out she had EVER been sexually active with a Black man.

That would just be pure filth.

I do not like Homeless people, bums, drunks, or drug users either, or anyone that participates in any type of criminal activity.

I also do not like White country types or Redneck types or Trailer trash types.

I do not believe in fishing or hunting, I do not support the killing of animals.

I am not a Vegetarian, but I don’t eat much meat compared to most people, and one day I’d like to be totally vegetarian, It takes a lot of will power though.

I love animals.

Bitch goes on and on and on, and I kept reading, because I expected to see the words: I do not like green eggs and ham.

If you need more doucheness in your brain, Romeo Rose did a Reddit AMA and it’s as messy as his ad.

This is seriously the most creative way of staying FOREVER ALONE. And I really wouldn’t be surprised if ABC made him the next Bachelor.

via Gawker (Thanks, Kate)

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