Kween Kanye Likes His Carpet Ironed

Heat World (via Radar) says that before his performance on the BBC’s Later with Jools Holland, Kween Kanye West made it clear to the show’s staff that he wouldn’t perform unless his dressing room looked a giant cum stain (aka all white). Kanye also said that he wouldn’t step foot in his dressing room unless the carpet was as smooth as his ass lips after his man-in-waiting steams it. Heat World didn’t say this, but I heard that Kanye also made the show’s staff line the doorway to his dressing room with huge white dildos to ward off Kim Kartrashian.

The source says that Kanye’s entourage was as big as his throbbing, pus-leaking ego and they took up more than half of the 15 dressing rooms. Kanye demanded that everything in his dressing room be white from the flowers to the curtains to the walls. The source said that the show’s staff really threw a wave of side-eyes when Kanye told them to flatten the carpet out with an iron, because it was too bumpy for him. The source went on to say, “Everybody knew Kanye’s reputation for being a handful, but nobody had heard of a request for a carpet to be ironed before.”

Nothing Kanye does makes sense (example: bonding himself to the whores of Hell by knocking up a Kartrashian), but making those poor souls iron his carpet, because it was “bumpy” really makes no sense. Heat World obviously got it wrong. Kanye didn’t make them iron his dressing room carpet. He made them iron HIS carpet. Kanye cannot perform unless his crotch bush is flat ironed and smoothed out with smoothing cream. That’s the real story. I swear, what fucking happened to journalism?