Fifty Shades Of Sperm

September 11, 2013 / Posted by:

One of the only good things to come out of Charlie Hunnam getting cast in Fifty Shades of Grey is that now I have a reason to post a picture of his nipples all the times. So, there IS that.

Actress Chloe Bridges, who’s in that Carrie Diaries mess, was asked to audition for Fifty Shades of Grey, but she couldn’t do it after she read the sides they gave her. At the presentation for Alice + Olivia’s new collection in NYC on Monday, Chloe told Cosmo that she almost died while reading the sides, because the word (Warning to all you innocent, chaste flowers out there: the following word will make you want to dip your eyeballs in holy water, so get yourself to a church before reading this) “SPERM” was in there not once, but twice. The word SPERM! Chloe says that the word wasn’t even used in a medical way. It was used in a SEX way. My eyes have seen some sucio shit before, but nothing is more sucio than the word SPERM. I think I need to see a priest. While clutching her rosary, Chloe said this:

“There were three pages of sides that I was going to audition with. I read them and then was like, I really can’t do this. If you read these three pages of sides, you would die. I still like show them to my friends for fun.

The scene was, like, the girl telling her friends about some sexcapade she had. But it goes into extreme detail and uses the word ‘sperm’ a couple times. I was like, I don’t know guys, I have to go home to my grandparent’s house in a few months at Christmas, I don’t know if I can do this. It was intense. So mad props to the people who are going to do it. You had to be able to take it seriously and not laugh or turn bright red.”

But really, what 20-something uses the word “sperm” while talking about getting jizzed on by her master? “Ohmygosh you guys, and then he, the male, pulled his erect phallus out of my vagina and ejaculated his semen all over my upper abdominal area.”

I don’t think they’ve bought one costume or made one set for the Fifty Shades movie yet and it’s already turning into a giant puddle of shit. Oh wait, I should say that it’s turning into a giant puddle of feces.

Here’s Charlie Hunnam hopefully regretting his life choices while getting lunch on the set of Sons of Anarchy in L.A. yesterday. I’ve never noticed this before, but that flesh beard makes him look like a butch Spencer Pratt.

Pics: Splash, MNPP

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