Lindsay Lohan On Why She Didn’t Show Up To The Venice Film Festival

Paul Schrader, the director of the Skinemax original movie The Canyons, burned a few freckles off of Lindsay Lohan’s culito lips yesterday when he told reporters at the Venice Film Festival that she no show’d to the premiere and that working with her was like being held hostage by a cracked out hyena who doesn’t know how to tell time. It’s a little suspect that LiLo didn’t show up to an event where cameras are going to be, but since she’s always tardy to the party, I figured she’d show up in Venice next week. But LiLo wrote on her blog today that she didn’t go to Venice because she wants to focus on her health and shit:

Along with the positive messages and words of support of “The Canyons” at VFF, I am sending my own to the cast, producers and the amazing Paul Schrader. I am so grateful for the extraordinary experience of being a part of this film. Unfortunately, I have to clear up these reports. I was never confirmed to attend. Of course, I would have enjoyed returning to that wonderful city and being a part of this amazing event, but my focus is on my health and well-being. Plain and simple, it is of the utmost importance.

She actually sounds level-headed and she’s actually making a good and responsible decision …. Hmmm… Oprah, what the fuck did you do with Lindsay Lohan?! Somewhere in the 20,000 square foot attic in Oprah’s Montecito mansion, she sat on top of a hog-tied Lindsay Lohan and dictated that statement to Gayle King who later posted it to LiLo’s blog. Bitches can’t fool us.

Here’s a LiLo double (aka White Oprah in a wig made of dyed straw and an inside/out rubber mask) and The Curious Case of Ali Lohan in NYC yesterday. I like how it looks like the word “repel” is near her crotch. The paps say that LiLo got in her Porsche and drove to the Hamptons, so if you’re in the Hamptons, you better put on a helmet and hold onto your stash tightly, because the Lohans are in town.