Open Post: Hosted By The True Star Of The VMAs (And Katy Perry)

Katy Perry must have the confidence of a power bottom with a b-hole like a Dyson vac, because any ho who poses next to the photogenic dandelion that is Richard Simmons is setting themselves up. If I was the photographer taking this picture, I’d tell Katy Perry to move a little to her right, jump over that barrier, keep moving to her right and keep moving to her right until she’s in Manhattan, bitch. Because Richard Simmons has this and then some. The MTV VMAs can stop before they’ve started, because they’ve already achieved their goal by getting the hot bitch with the song of the century to pose on their red carpet. Katy Perry should be on her knees and bowing down to the Pop Empress.

So tonight’s the ‘N Sync reunion (featuring the VMAs) and if you’re going to watch, you better hook yourself up to an IV drip full of some mind numbing shit, because it’s going to be a long night. I’m only a few minutes into the pre-show and I’ve already seen a stoned-as-fuck Paula Patton trying to put words together and Miley saying, “See, they’ll do anything for me,” after making the crowd cheer for her low-rent, busted Pink-wannabe ass.

If you need a simple VMAs drinking game, just keep drinking, smoke crack with Lamar Odom through CaCa’s performance, and then keep drinking. No sleep till you’re shit-faced.

Pics: Getty