And Now, Here’s Two “Perfectly Put Together” Moments With Goopy Paltrow

August 20, 2013 / Posted by:

Deep inside the basement of Goopy Paltrow’s townhouse in London, her in-house oil makers make her an essential oil made from old Franc bills (Euros and Pounds are for the regulars!) and she dabs that oil on her neck every morning, because nothing makes her feel alive and really fucking rich like the scent of old French money. But because only her, Oprah and a handful of Arab sheiks can afford essential oil made of old Franc bills, she has to make money by whoring herself out for a different fragrance. A fragrance that is so damn average that she wouldn’t even spray it on the asshole of the rat that lives in her maid’s room.

Goopy Paltrow stars in a series of “ads” (for lack of a better word) for Hugo Boss’daytime fragrance” BOSS JOUR Pour Femme. The first ad might be the whitest thing you will see today and I mean that both figuratively and literally. Goopy strolls out onto the terrace of some house that’s high above the peasants and talks about yoga, food and how she’s so exhausted by the afternoon, because keeping your nose up for most of the day is really, really tiring. If you press mute on that video, it looks like the commercial for a tampon made out of snow leopard fur. A tampon for pussies of the 1%!

And here’s another ridiculous ad:

“I think BOSS Jour is a beautiful fragrance, it’s very floral, very light and very optimistic. The world is yours, you’re about to star your day, like anything could happen….” BITCH, STOP! Like Goopy has really smelled that shit before. She has a pair of organic cotton balls shoved up her nose in that commercial, because her nostrils will never inhale something that’s sold at Macy’s. Ew!

They should’ve called this shit BOSS JOUR Poor Goop, because think of all the rich white girl struggles poor Goopy went through while making this commercial for a perfume that’s sold to the middle-class!

via Lainey Gossip

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: Don't be racist or bigoted, or go way off topic when not in an Open Post. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

alt="drupal analytics" >