Being On The Cover Of Sports Illustrated Made Kate Upton Feel Terrible About Herself

August 8, 2013 / Posted by:

If any living, breathing human, married or whatever, came up to me and said that slather lube on my picture and hump it hard without caring about getting paper cuts on their genitals, I’d take is the greatest compliment since some stranger bitch at a Jack in the Box in Palmdale, CA loudly said, “That’s a lot of gay!” after I walked in. But Kate Upton says that after the 2012 Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition cover that turned her into a STAAAAHHH!!! came out and married dudes started hitting on her, she felt the same way one feels when the coke high wears off after boning Charlie Sheen. She felt like she wanted to cry under a shower of hot bleach. Kate tells Elle says that after her SI cover came out, a lot of dudes skipped over the line and treated her like a blow-up doll:

“After my first Sports Illustrated cover, I felt terrible about myself for a solid month. Every single guy I met was either married or about to be married, and I felt like I was their bachelor present or something. I’m not a toy, I’m a human. I’m not here to be used. I am a grown woman, and you need to figure your shit out.”

Kate has a point and is right. Nobody likes to be objectified (except for me, OBJECTIFY ME! OBJECTIFY ME, PLEASE!), but when you’re shaking your chichis in a video shot by Terry Richardson, posing in a silly string bikini topĀ and taking a picture with your titties holding a Las Vegas glass, most hos aren’t going to look at that and say, “What an attractive glass. At which souvenir shop in Las Vegas can I buy that?” But I guess Kate Upton quickly got over feeling like crap for a month, because she did the cover again the next year.

Kate Upton also said this stuff to Elle:

On how people think she’s a dumb model, but she’s really a blond genius who is plotting to pull one over on them: “People deal with models like they are children. They think they can pull one over on you. It’s actually funny. I’m always like, I’m about to pull something on you, and you’re so focused on thinking I’m dumb you’re not even going to know.”

On why she got a cross tattoo: “I was at a photo shoot and I was wearing a cross necklace that my mom bought me, and somebody made a joke like, ‘Why are you wearing a cross? Like you would be religious.’ And then they took [my necklace] away. I was really affected by that. The whole thing made me realize that I do want [a cross] with me, at all times.”

On if she’s dating Maks from Dancing with the Has-Beens: “I really have never had a serious relationship in the industry. I’m just having fun. Obviously I have a very busy schedule at this time in my life, and I don’t put relationships as a priority.”

I don’t think they’re focused on thinking Kate’s dumb, I think they’re focused on her chichiiiiiiiiiiiiiis or her A- eyebrow situation (it need more villainess arch to get an A+).

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