FYI: Katy Perry Farts In Front Of Robert Pattinson

August 1, 2013 / Posted by:

Katy Perry told Elle UK that you won’t find a drop of sparkle jizz stuck to her sugar walls because she’s never done it with RPattz. Katy Perry even texted Kristen Stewart to basically let that glum trick and eternal keeper of the air know that she’ll leave the disrespecting to KStew. In case you don’t believe that Katy Perry has never taken a ride on the sparkle rod, she has proof and the proof comes out of her ass. Katy told Elle UK (via Hollywood Life) that she’s butt burped out an invisible poop cloud in front of RPattz before and that means that they’re strictly friends.

“OK, so here’s the proof there was never anything going on with me and Robert Pattinson. I fart in front of him. Properly fart. And I never, ever fart in front of a man I am dating. That’s a rule. He’s my bud, I’m like his big sister. We just hang out. The other day, I said: ‘One of the things I’m most proud of is not sleeping with you, Robert.’ And that’s true.”

No ass queefing in front of boyfriends? The hell kind of dumb rule is that?

Don’t relationship experts always say that the key to a happy and healthy relationship is always being open and honest? Well, there’s nothing more open than opening up your b-hole to poof out a fart. Shouldn’t you always be honest with your feelings? A fart is your butt’s way of being honest with its feelings. Holding in a fart is almost like lying and the only thing worse than lying to your piece is holding in a fart. Can you really tell a boyfriend you love him if you’re not comfortable enough to fart on his dick when he pulls out too fast during butt sex? I don’t know the answer to most questions, but I definitely know the answer to that one.

What I’m saying is that Katy Perry needs new rules. And what you’re probably saying right now is that I need new rules. Point taken….and farted on.

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