Lindsay Lohan Is Staying In Rehab For An Extra 3 Days

July 30, 2013 / Posted by:

Seen above making a “Howsh uh-bouts a date, babeeeeee?” face that dozens of johns in the Tri-State area have probably seen at least once through their passenger window, White Oprah graced the NYC screening of the critically acclaimed masterpiece The Canyons (served on a tin spoon of powdered sarcasm) with her freckled presence yesterday. White Oprah went in Lindsay Lohan’s place, because LiLo is finishing up her last days in rehab. White Oprah might need to stand (or lie on the floor depending on how many shots she’s done) in LiLo’s place at other events, because LiLo is staying in rehab for at least 3 more days. In possibly related news, the makers of Adderall just temporarily took down the “WELCOME BACK!” sign that was taped on the front of their building.

TMZ says that LiLo is seriously serious about staying dry this time and has cut out the bad people in her life. (Cut to White Oprah and Michael Lohan running off to check to see if the AMEX card LiLo gave them still works.) LiLo doesn’t want to jump back into the wild right away, so she’s going to stay in rehab for 3 or 4 more days. She was supposed to check out of that bitch tomorrow. TMZ’s source says that even the side-eye throwers in LiLo’s life think things are different now and they went on to say, “It’s like invasion of the body snatchers. She’s a different person.”

Are we sure the source isn’t Agent Dana Scully, because they sound like a supernatural expert who is on to something. Lindsay Lohan took over Amanda Bynes’ body and the old Amanda Bynes took over Lindsay Lohan’s body! The truth is finally out there. Whatever, White Oprah doesn’t care either way, because she’s having the time of her life being Lindsay Lohan!


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