Afternoon Crumbs

July 29, 2013 / Posted by:

I know that everything looks like dick foreskin to me, but Cate Blanchett’s dress really does look like a giant piece of cheese-free dick foreskin – Lainey Gossip

Jamie Bell and Evan Rachel Wood are somebody’s parents and I’ll be disappointed if those hipsters didn’t name their kid Thelonius Pabst Iver – People

I wish Nina Dobrev motorboated Mr. Potato Head’s DD eyeballs – Hollywood Tuna

For the record: That is a stunning picture of me, but I am not Jewish, I am not a white supremacist, my name isn’t Alex Hausner and I don’t live in Queens. Everything else is right, though. – Towleroad

Somewhere an E! exec is punching themselves in the taint for not coming up with the Amanda Bynes Cabs It Cross Country reality show – The Superficial 

Everybody in this picture looks like they were Photoshopped in – The Berry 

Why running in heels when you’re not Shauna Sand or Carrot Bradshaw is a dangerous idea – Drunken Stepfather

Prince George’s birth was all-natural and I’m guessing that means Duchess Kate beheaded one of her subjects every time she felt pain – Celebitchy

Is Cassie balding on the sides of her head, because there’s no reason for her to still have that Skillrex hair in 2013 – Popoholic

RIP Kid KraddickICYDK

Lindsay Lohan’s going to host Chelsea Lately – Just Jared

The STUNT QUEEN bitch who offered Courtney Stodden $5 million to do a sex tape doesn’t realize that you can easily watch iguanas bone on YouTube for free – Reality Tea

Ageless vampire Keanu Reeves looks hot in a “widowed dad in a Nicholas Sparks’ movie” kind of way – SOW

Speaking of ageless vampires – HuffPo

That show about people trapped under a Tupperware lid got renewed – Videogum

Sharon Osbourne thinks Justin Bieber wants to be black – I’m Not Obsessed

I don’t know what’s more tragic: Foxy Brown running out on a $900 weave bill or somebody charging $900 to make your hair look like a field of mutilated My Little Ponies – Crunk + Disorderly

Miley Cyrus is still OHSOEDGY – Jezebel

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