White Oprah’s Drunk, Messy Ass Has Been Banned From Talking to Lindsay Lohan In Rehab

TMZ says that Lindsay Lohan is not getting her daily call from a slurring White Oprah begging her to please wire over $10,000, because her electricity bill (read: the bill for her Jack Daniels cooler) is overdue and they’re threatening to turn off all her power (read: cut off her whiskey supply). The staff at the Cliffside rehab facility in Malibu have decided to hang up the phone every time White Oprah calls, because she’s an incoherent drunken disaster and they don’t want her to talk to Lindsay Lohan.

A source (aka Michael Lohan) tells TMZ that a few weeks ago, a staff member at Cliffside called up White Oprah for a little talk with LiLo. But when White Oprah got on the phone, the staff member immediately got secondhand-drunk, because she was thirty shades of plastered. The staff member canceled the conversation between LiLo and White Oprah. LiLo’s team at Cliffside also decided that it’s best if she doesn’t talk to White Oprah at all while she’s in rehab.

In White Oprah’s defense, she’s tanked during every phone call, because she’s always tanked. But I wish that the staff person at Cliffside hit the record button before they told White Oprah that she can’t talk to her precious ATM anymore. Bitch probably slur screamed at them for a minute, then told them she’d suck their dick if they patched her through, then she slur screamed again, then she told them she was going to get her sister from another mister Oprah to shut them down, then she slur screamed again before passing out on the receiver.

In other WO news, over the weekend, I was at my mom’s house, looking at these gorgeous, boner-inducing pictures of Tan Mom and my mom saw them on my screen and said, “Lindzeeeee’s mom looks terrible!” I know, what did Tan Mom ever do to deserve that comparison?