The Day That Morrissey Has Been Dreaming Of Has FINALLY Arrived

July 22, 2013 / Posted by:

In case you couldn’t tell from the fact that Morrissey’s screams of excitement are echoing through the world, the royal vagine is stretching as I type this. I got an alert on my phone at around 12:30am my time that said: DUCHESS KATE IS IN LABOR! STOP EVERYTHING! I was about to jump out of bed and glue my eyes to all the riveting live feeds from outside the Lindo wing of St Mary’s Hospital in west London, but I figured that THE QUEEN probably got the same alert on her phone, shrugged, screamed at her lady-in-waiting not to bother her until Prince William is re-enacting the “present to the pride” scene from the Lion King and went back to spooning with her pocketbook. So I did the same thing (but replace “pocketbook” with “empty bag of Soft Batch cookies.”)

The BBC says that Duchess Kate and Prince William showed up to the hospital at around 6am London time. A quick second later, Clarence House tweeted this:


So right now in London, Duchess Kate is probably taking a royal labor shit on the delivery table as Prince Hot Ginge celebrates by doing afternoon vodka shots off all the nurses’tits. And when Duchess Kate finally gives birth to the future King of Queen of England, it will be announced on an ornate easel Pippa’s bare ass behind the railings on Buckingham Palace’s forecourt.

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