Open Post: Hosted By A Very Important Bear Safety Report

July 12, 2013 / Posted by:

Since Tara Reid’s dead corpse of a career was brought back to life thanks to the artistic, cinematic and technical masterpiece Sharknado, she’s obviously going to be busy doing Shakespeare in London, so she’ll need to be replaced for the sequel. Dear SyFy, meet her replacement! Julie Tremmel of NBC10 in Cranston, RI gave one of the greatest performance of local news history when she acted out what to do when coming across a curious bear in the wild.

According to experts, when you see a curious bear in the wild, look like you’re tweaked out, because nobody, not even a bear, wants to deal with a tweaker. If that doesn’t work, squat and back away with your hands out like your ass is about to shoot out a diarrhea tsunami, because nobody (scat queens not included), even a bear (scat bears not included), wants to deal with a diarrhea mess. If that doesn’t work, then act like you’re a crazy bitch having a nervous breakdown before passing out on the grass. It works every time.

And Julie ain’t lying, because the last time I came across a bi-curious bear, I ended up in those last two positions.

via Tastefully Offensive

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