Nigella Lawson’s Husband Announces That He’s Divorcing Her, Remains An Utter Piece Of Trash While Doing So

July 6, 2013 / Posted by:

Last month, Nigella Lawson’s advertising mogul husband Charles Saatchi was photographed choking her out during an argument at a restaurant in London. Choke You Out Charlie said at the time that they were just playing Chris Brown’s favorite game and he was barely grasping at her neck. The police gave Charlie a slap on the wrist and let him waltz away. During all of this, Nigella kept her lips shut and didn’t say anything. Nigella not saying anything said everything. She and her two kids from a previous marriage moved out of the house when the pictures came out. And now Nigella and Charles’ marriage is dead.

Charles said in a statement to The Daily Mail that he’s divorcing Nigella after 10 years of marriage, because she didn’t defend him at all to the media. Charles didn’t even call or tell Nigella to her face that he’s divorcing her, so she’s probably finding out by reading it in The Daily Mail. THAT BITCH Charles has zero shame. Charles wouldn’t know shame if it wrapped its fingers around his neck and choked him out. Charles went on to say that he’s not a lady beater and that Nigella has held his neck during fights too. Here’s Charles’ full statement, but if you don’t feel like reading it, just fart into your hand and smell it. Both will leave the scent of shit in your nostrils, but smelling your own fart is less painful and probably a better use of your time.


Charles also tells The Daily Mail that on the day the pictures came out, Nigella’s publicist told him to publicly apologize and say that he was ashamed that he went after his wife like that. Charles refused to and after Nigella told him that he should listen to her publicist, they had another fight and he kicked her out of the house. Charles feels like Nigella chose her publicist over him and he’s mad at her for not telling the press that he never hit her.

A friend of Nigella’s tells The Daily Mail that she didn’t like that Charles called it a “playful tiff” and she didn’t want to spit out any words of support for him, because it would look like she was covering up for his ass. Nigella’s “friend” went on to say:

“Nigella has given a statement to the police that Charles has never hit her and she hoped it would be widely reported but it wasn’t. She is deeply private and doesn’t want to make any statement herself or have ­people pick over her marriage. She thinks the pictures are very humiliating. She’s embarrassed and ashamed that she is being portrayed as a victim of domestic violence and her husband as a wife beater. If only he’d said in the first place that the pictures were horrific and he was very ashamed, she says she could have pointed out that he’d never hurt her.”

Charles is the pus oozing out of an anal wart (no offense to the pus oozing out of an anal wart). What a shit-covered asshole he is. Using The Daily Mail to tell Nigella that he’s divorcing her and then blaming the divorce on her is just some evil shit and Mel Gibson wishes he would’ve came up with that when he broke up with that Russian pianist.

And of course everyone should feel sorry for Charles. Charles is the real victim here and we should start a Kickstarter to buy a thousand Band-Aids to put on his bruised ass ego. Why won’t anybody think of Charles Saatchi?!

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