JLo Shook Her Ass For The Leader Of One Of The World’s Most Repressive Countries

JLo became Jenny from the Eastern Bloc tonight when she popped her pussy and lip-synched for Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov, the leader of Turkmenistan, at his 56th birthday celebration. Turkmenistan has been called one of the most repressed regimnes in the world by Human Rights Watch. I know, haven’t the people of Turkmenistan been through enough?!

AFP says that JLo and her dancers performed for Berdymukhamedov at a $2 billion Caspian Sea resort. JLo is apparently the first major Western star to perform in the country which is known for its “vast gas reserves and a dismal human rights record.” Reporters Without Borders considers Turkmenistan one of the 10 most censored countries in the world. Reporters are regularly thrown in jail and Internet use is seriously regulated by the government. Can you imagine not being able to access PornHub? That is a serious SERIOUS human rights violation.

Showbiz411 says that JLo was paid at least $1 million plus expenses. Ministers, ambassadors and CEOs all watched JLo shake her quadruple layer ass and move her lips to a track as shirtless dudes dancers around her. JLo put on a traditional Turkmen dress to sing “Happy Birthday” to the president. If JLo sang “Happy Birthday” live, then expect her to be jailed for life for trying to assassinate the president with her soul-killing natural singing voice.

JLo was in the cinematic human rights violation called Gigli, so this isn’t surprising. I just want to know who won when JLo screamed at President Birdyhandmeadove because her dressing room wasn’t painted the right shade of white and didn’t have at least 12 lit Jo Malone candles in it. If you see on CNN that the president of Turkmenistan threw himself into the Caspian Sea after tearing his own ears off, you now know why.